Magical Tennis Shoes and Perfectionism

I think I've written about the magical tennis shoes here, but I'm not finding the post at the moment. When I do I'll link to it.

The TL;DR is that I ended up buying a pair of tennis shoes that was extremely in style, which made me darn nervous because I truly did not want to look like one of the seventh graders I was working with at the time. It turned out that instead of the kids thinking I was trying too hard to be cool (with the exception of exactly one sixth grader) they thought I WAS cool-- and the more trend-aware the kid was, the stronger the impression was. This was pretty weird for me, but nice; the positive feedback from kids was nice, but the truly amazing effect was that the same kids who on principle tended to resist any and all orders, suggestions, commands, etc. would get twirling spirals in their eyes and say "Yes," when I asked them to do things, as long as I was wearing The Magical Shoes. I found these effects to be both hilarious and worrisome.

It was worrisome because I know darn good and well that letting any of your sense of self-worth rest on the approval of seventh-graders is a terrible idea, even if you're a seventh grader, but especially if you're a grownup. Luckily, I was able to avoid that fate at that time. 

However, recently I was in a group discussion about a video featuring a woman who had been an elite synchronized swimmer, whose perfectionism had prevented her from enjoying the successes she had before she became too ill to compete. All of a sudden I made the connection: it does feel good to get compliments from normally hostile seventh graders; it also feels good to get awards and prizes from the sports world (or the academic world, or the musical world, or the world in general); but letting go of your precious sense of self-worth in exchange for those things is a terrible idea.

I haven't been quite as successful at keeping my sense of self-worth safe from these other traps, but at least now I have a metaphor to remind me why I should keep trying. :)

I've become the Crazy Native Plant Lady

Being the Crazy Native Plant Lady might not be as weird as being a cat lady, but it isn't my fault; I'm excessively allergic to cats.

Also: I do try to keep my blog posts pretty vague about exactly where I live, but if you are the sort of person who can pinpoint my location from the (native) plants I'm about to describe, I'm not worried at all about what would happen if you chose to find me.

I moved into a new apartment last spring. While the to-do list for the inside is still extensive, the yard is delightful and green and sun-dappled and no matter how hot the weather, it's cooler than the unshaded sidewalk outside of my gate. It's also enclosed by a 6-foot tall privacy fence. This means that even though there are plenty of neighbors who can see my yard from their second-story windows, in practice as long as I'm moving around the yard, I don't think about that too much and I have fun.

And what kind of fun? Well, pulling weeds. I know. Balloons should be sent for this party. But it IS fun. 

The first year, I started my garden planning by buying a bunch of seeds that I ended up not being able to use: zinnias, zucchini, cilantro, cucumbers. As spring got underway and the tree by the back gate began to leaf out, I started to notice that my garden wasn't just kind of shady; it's really shady. Like, the official definition of a shady garden is one that gets not more than three (or four) hours of sunlight a day, and as I sat in my comfy chair by the window one lazy Saturday and monitored how much sun different parts of the garden got, I couldn't see any part that got more than one hour of sunlight that day.

That's when I began to realize I was going to need a different strategy. I eventually gave away my vegetable, herb, and flower seeds, and began researching what would grow in shade.

And you know what I came up with? Ferns! Ferns are gorgeous and they love to grow in super moist, super shady conditions-- like the forest floor. I knew this because I'd seen them growing there, wild, on walks. I figured that a garden shaded by domesticated trees couldn't be that different. When my older sister lived in Tasmania, I'd heard tales of a fern forest-- I'd still love to go-- but even the thought of having my little 15-by-20-foot yard green with ferns made my heart sing. 

I started researching what else I could plant. I found out about Virginia Bluebells, which looked gorgeous but are a little bit difficult to obtain commercially, and by the time I had figured out I wanted them last year, I had missed my window of opportunity. Instead, I ended up purchasing what they had left that was on my list: a Christmas fern, two lady ferns, and a hay-scented fern. (Because I know you are going to ask: yes, I sniffed it, and no, it didn't seem to smell like hay or anything else to me.) Then I kept them on the mini-concrete-slab in the back yard (2'x2') for at least a month, but probably more like two, while I tried to get around to planting them.

I am not going to pretend that I'm not a procrastinator, but in this case, it wasn't just procrastination. For one thing, I needed to clear the plants that "cumbered the ground" that was the ultimate destiny for the ferns' home. Most of it was English ivy, which isn't that hard to rip up, but it's so prolific that there was just a ton to do. Add the fact that it's not a native, and this is definitely classed as an invasive. On top of that, there were several out-of-control sweetbriar canes-- which, to be clear, were never going to even blossom, given the lack of sunlight, so it was a plant that was literally all thorns and no roses. On top of that, the root systems of the trees that surround the yard like to send up suckers, which need to be clipped off so that my yard doesn't actually become a forest floor. I mean, if I chose to do it, it would be one thing, but I'm not making that decision this year.

And it turned out to be those root systems which caused the most delay, once the overgrown invasives were gone-enough that I could start thinking about where I wanted to plant my beautiful ferns. It turned out that I wasn't going to have a lot of choice, because it seemed like everywhere I tried, I would run into tree roots at least as big around as my wrist, blocking me from digging a hole big enough for my plant.

Part of the problem is that the nursery I have been buying these ferns from sells them in gallon pots, and with instructions to dig a hole twice as wide as the pot, I end up having to find a space that's at least 18 inches wide and nearly a foot deep, in order to get these things in the ground. The Christmas fern went in fine, but the lady ferns took a couple of tries each and the hay-scented fern was put in a hole which, according to the instructions, was inadequate, but I figured by then that it would be happier in the ground than in its pot a few more weeks while I dug hole after hole, trying to find a better spot.

I shifted strategies again. I realized that planting ferns this big, enough to cover the yard, was not going to be feasible. Which was/is fine, since they aren't exactly cheap, and it was going to take quite a while to be able to afford enough to cover the yard. Everything I've read says that each of these varieties will spread once it's established, and I'm SUPER excited for that to happen.

But... four ferns isn't going to provide coverage for a 15'x23' yard very quickly. I decided that I would buy a few more this year, and just let the garden grow a little at a time. Now I have two more Christmas ferns over on one side of the sidewalk, and a couple of ostrich ferns (which I was also too late to get last year) on the other side.

Luckily, I also have some happy native volunteers. I had some cute, tiny but tall daisy-looking things, and after weeks of typing variations of their description into the internet, I finally became convinced that these were daisy fleabane-- I love the name; it's a bit ridiculous, like me-- and best of all, they were natives! So I left my little patch all fall and all winter, and rejoiced when it grew back even bigger and better this spring.

The cicadas loved the daisy fleabane.

I also have wood sorrel, which sort of looks like clover until you look at it closely; it's a lot taller than clover when it's grown a bit, but the biggest tell is that clover has white flowers and wood sorrel has yellow ones. Wood sorrel, check.

This year I was also early enough to get the Virginia Bluebells, Unfortunately, after one night outside in my yard, the Virginia Bluebells got eaten by an unknown creature. Back to the nursery they went (luckily they have a very generous return policy) and that was when I found out that I could get the ostrich ferns. The ostrich ferns are doing pretty well, except that the cicadas tried to lay eggs in one of them, too, so the fronds affected by that little episode aren't doing so well.

Poor cicadas. They aren't very smart.

But I was still feeling a little worried about what to fill in with. Not Daisy Fleabane, because it's so tall it would block what sunlight was getting to the ferns from getting there at all. Wood sorrel is fine in its place but it isn't that prolific.

Then, round about the time one of my older nieces was visiting, in the spring, I noticed these cute little purple violets all over my yard, and felt moved to look them up. Lo and behold, they're native, and what's more, the extension service recommends them as a groundcover! I was never planning on soccer games in this yard anyway. Something that is hardy and native and green most of the year round but gorgeous in the spring sounds exactly like what I want for my yard. Also it needs no mowing. I quite appreciate this quality.

I'm also continuing to look up plant descriptions, to try to figure out what is native and what isn't, and pull out the nonnatives. TBH weeding feels like an IRL computer game, only instead of murdering imaginary aliens, I'm composting real-live plant aliens. I dunno. It's satisfying. 

P.S. I'll post pictures next time. For realz. I just don't have any at the moment, and it's dark out, and I started this post back in May, and I think it's about time to just let it be up and add a picture post later. :D